So I had a very strange dream this morning that was so vivid that I actually woke up in a cold sweat. I was at a party or something and a guy who looked exactly like my dad walked by me. I ran up to him and introduced myself because it was so novel to me how similar they were. It was weird because I have never dreamed about my dad before (that I recall at least), let alone some guy who just happened to look like him, talk like him, and had almost the same name as him (a few letters were changed around). I wanted to talk to him so bad but in the dream we were interrupted by this really rude guy sleeping on the floor (yes you read that right, it was a dream remember). I cussed the guy out and my anger actually woke me up.
I just wanted to talk to this guy that looked, sounded, and acted like my dad. I just want to relive the time I had with my actual dad, even if it was through his doppelganger in a super creepy way. I just want him back, I guess, even though he and I were rarely on good terms. I think I miss him a lot more than I thought. I know it was just a dream, but it felt so real (anger at a guy sleeping on the floor was real enough to wake me up, even).
I’ve been awake for a number of hours now and I’m still thinking about it. Because death is difficult. My dad died in 2017, almost a full 4 years ago and apparently I’m still thinking about it. I guess we never really get over a death of a loved one, per se, but we can heal from the pain over time. “Better to have loved and lost…” so they say.
Normally, we have a very long gospel lesson for the Sunday of the Passion, which goes over the whole… well… passion narrative, which is story of Jesus’ arrest, trial, and crucifixion. And it makes sense for us to do that, since as I mentioned in today’s sermon, you can’t have a resurrection without a death.
But the focus on the whole narrative, in my opinion, shouldn’t be on the death.
I mean, we can see and acknowledge that there was a death, but the focus should be on the life. The life that was before the death, and the life that continues on after the death and because of the death.
It’s no doubt that death will happen to us all. It happened to my dad. It will eventually happen to my mom. And I’m quite certain that sooner or later it will happen to me. But I don’t want to be known as “Nathan, the guy who died” but I want to be known as “Nathan, the guy who lived.“
So while I am sad that my dad is no longer with us, I will continue to cherish the time that I had with him. I will cherish the few times he’s interacted with my children. I will remember the times that he’s smiled because of something that I personally said or did. I will focus on the life he had with us and the life that continues on through his legacy in my siblings and me and our families.
We are, after all, a resurrection people. Thanks be to God.
Have a great week, everyone!